Grrr I don’t trust anyone.
Ohhh so you DON’T give a shit, why didn’t you say so.
First night in quite a while where my bf hasnt wanted to come to mine and I didn’t want to go to his so we slept alone, and I sound SO pathetic to say… I couldn’t sleep. Worst sleep every. Hoping today goes quick. I tossed and turned and rolled and woke up and checked my phone and rolled and starfished and rolled and gahhhhhhh , then my alarm went off.
I’m starting to worry. How am I gonna go in nz next year? For wayyy longer than a month sleeping alone, three months in fact. When I was in England it was hard and I didn’t enjoy a lot because he wasn’t there. And yeah I’ll have people I know in nz, but they don’t know me inside out and I don’t know them as we’ll as I’d like and we can’t cuddle and il still be sleeping alone, or trying to.
Who on earth can I rely on
I hate birthdays :/ I hate planning them for other people and not myself. Isn’t it meant to be the other way around?? Others celebrating that you are alive? And not you throwing a big expensive stressful shindig just to make them happy?
I want to do something fun, get mum in a go cart, go on a trail ride , be taken somewhere as a true surprise, just have good memories and good people around me, the less money spent, the better.
Andrew had completely forgotten til I reminded him. Why when birthdays come around do we suddenly realise who is really important.
One word . Bored!
So bored of EVERYTHING!
Nothing is of consequence. That dress. New shoes. My job. My effort to look good. The attention I give.
Am just having a low period. Struggling to find motivation to be creative and to save and plan.
Life is pretty good, but I’m moody and snappy and unsatisfied.
Give it two days. Will prolly be on an upper again. Gah.